Where to begin... This week has been.... H E C T I C to say the least. I have been struggling lately with feeling very off from everything. Usually I feel organized and good enough to tackle things, but lately.. good gravy, I suck! I seem to have lost all my motivation in things :( well all but cupcaking. ( I'll be sharing that recent recipe later)
I want to do so many things but its like this cloud comes over me and I end up doing NOTHING.
So all you other moms... how do you keep your motivation going?? I miss eating healthy food, I miss working out, I miss doing fun things with my kids and I miss spending quality time with hubby.. and somewhere in there I actually do miss cleaning my house and giving myself a few minutes here and there.
Earlier thus week I met an amazing mom of 5 kids and it was so nice to sit and chat with her and be able to be real. I was looking forward (still am) to getting to know her more. I can see that she is wonderful- someone that I will be able to really trust and connect to (Lord Willing at least). I had 2 opportunities to meet up with her again this week and my body just wasn't having it. I overslept - which like NEVER happens- and I wasn't able to go to her bible study... then AGAIN I over slept to only wake up to a crabby baby who is dealing with some stubborn teeth. Missing these 2 events really made me feel empty.
Ever feel deflated that way?? Like someone seriously sucked out all your motivated and life out of you?? Ugh.. so how to get it back???!!
Today seemed to be the end of that "mommy rope". I managed to get a good hour of office work in but then everything seemed to melt. I feel terrible for my kids at this moment. I want them to have a good summer but summer vacations seem to be the hardest for me to handle. 4 very active boys in a house... Oh Lordy! I need to get some things for them to do!! Legos, blocks, art, SOMETHING... but.... ** real mom moment** I do not believe in ME having to constantly occupy my children. It is not my job to keep them entertained. Sounds horrible I am sure, but kids are VERY imaginative and creative. Back in my days, I spent HOURS playing with sticks, misc objects around the house to be used as doll furniture or one of my fave things to do was making up plays lol... or even better was MAKING my brother learn a dance with me... yeah that was about the best activity I did... still makes me laugh to this day heheheheh.
It wasn't even 10 am yet this morning when a friend and I were already pulling our hair out about our children. I was thankful to see lunch come and end. It was MANDATORY nap time- for the smaller kiddos. I was shocked to see how long they actually did nap because it wasnt until 4pm that I made my way to the grocery store.
Here is where it gets a little bit..... maddening.
I head to a local grocery store Dan's - because I only needed a few things and it was close to home. Cute little grocery store but good gravy- the smallest isles ever. Not made for a family to all go shopping. I tried- I warned- and I asked politely before we walked in to have manners and to keep hands back their backs. As soon as we get in they all got distracted by the fruit. Everything that they had agreed to do was out the door and gone!!! This is where it felt like herding cats! I have the baby strapped into the cart trying to claw at my boobs, my 3 year old figured out he could ride under the cart ( I just kept thinking that at least he was contained) and making loud car noises, my 5 year old was jumping and skipping in every direction, my 10 year old had to smell and touch everything he could and my 12 yr old daughter was smacking her mouth and sighing about everything and everyone all while throwing in loud rude comments about her brothers. When I got shopping I do NOT do any kind of "joy riding" shopping. This mom is on a mission and I am in no mood to window shop isles. I want in and out without giving them a chance to realize what exactly is going on lol. But today... I was blessed be being behind every s l o w shopper in the store. Remember the isles were tiny so there was no going around anyone. If they were rubber necking... you have to just follow traffic.
We had gone down one isle and at this point kids felt like they were everywhere.. I had gone crazy trying to repeat myself over and over to stop touching things, stop touching each other, knock it off, be quiet, get out of the middle of the isle....Finally I blurted out " can yall please stop, sit down and be quiet" Of course I didnt mean to say "sit down" but my witty 5 year had to play cute and say "ok.. i'll sit down" as that little turkey sat his butt down in the middle of the stinken isle!! I shot him that look like don't push me further boy....
I hate those moments as a mom where you say silly things like I just did and they DO it. I felt like a donkey!
We get to the check out lane and the 2 younger boys were CLIMBING the shopping carts and singing... my older son had his nose in the gum smelling everything, the baby was crying at this point and my daughter was once again dishing out attitude. The lady that was bagging my stuff- bless her heart- was so sweet and was trying to do small talk with me. I just wanted to pay and get my kids OUT OF THE STORE. I think what upsets me the most is that they NEVER act like that if daddy was around.
We get in the car and I informed them all that they are to go directly to their rooms when we get home. I did not want to see them until I called them for dinner. I explained to them that I felt so disrespected and hurt that they would act that way in a store. At this point I didn't want to yell at them. I honestly just wanted to cry. I felt like they had just beaten the crap out of me all week. Surprisingly as they got out of the car, the unloaded the groceries, actually picked up things that were not put away before we left and they disappeared into their rooms.
I started cleaning because cleaning while upset gives the best result :) I started wondering if maybe I have too much of a high expectation of my kids while in public..
NO.
It is not too much to ask of them to walk nicely in a store- without touching things. I demand that my kids have manners and respect. ALL kids should. I try hard to teach my children the best I can. I want the best for them in everything. And I pray that I am able to lead them correctly. But I feel like a failure more times than not. Does that mean I am doing good or bad?
Maybe I need to drink some kool-aid and run in the sprinkler once in a while.
I love them all so much. As seriously crazy as it is, I wouldn't want it any different.
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