I figured this might be an appropriate title for this post... and if that title gives you ANY indication on whats coming... hang on... it's gonna be funny... well.... at least it was in this house!
Up here in good 'ol Dickinson ND- school gets out in MAY. As my kids were counting down the days till school is out with such enthusiasm... I on the other hand was not looking forward to months of tattling, screaming, fighting, crying, begging- I also wasn't looking forward to the kids doing the same!
So Wednesday was the kids last day of school- they all had fun things planned in their classes- some included a beach party, movies and ... and I know there was more but I think I zoned out for a moment.
As I loaded the kids in the car I said I prayer to myself on how thankful I was that I didn't need to get out of the car and ever more grateful of how large my sunglasses were.... Lets just say if you saw me that morning my picture would be found in one of those awful photo blogs that everyone looks at and laughs... I was NO sexy thang that morning!
No sooner as I gulped my coffee and moved our bedroom and bathroom to the living room- hubby came home to tell me that our kindergartener (Christopher) needed to be picked up. They think he has pink eye. Nice. A perfect start to summer vacation.
The next day 2 other kiddos woke up with crusty eyes and with a closer look- I shudder- yell at them to NOT touch me or their face and notice that their eyes were a little red and goopy.
That is a fun word to say GOOPY heheheh.
I had to accept that now 3 kids of mine have pink eye. UGH. I hit up my wonderful facebook friends and moms and ask their advice. I wanted to know if there was something I could do BESIDES take them to the doc for meds.
Oh the joy I got out of the advice they gave!!
I was not raised up in a family that did holistic treatments... in fact I was not even familiar with it till I moved to Sandpoint. Even then I was still a little hesitant about how well things worked. With my last c-section I was open to ANYTHING to help with pain and recovery... So when my kiddos got this nasty pink eye I was super open to anything that can help- that last thing I wanted to do was take FIVE kids to this doctors office. So my dear friends told me that my like gold booby milk will cure it!!! I had to ask again to make sure I heard right.... " so squirt my kids eyes with my breast milk"? Oh- THIS was going to be funny!!
The first thing that popped into my head was that controversial cover on Time Magazine... was I mom enough?!! HELL YEAH!!! I got the goods- and I am not afraid to use it! How is THAT for a new cover?!
My Milk Can Do What?
Whether you are surfing the
internet or flipping through your favorite parenting magazine, you have
probably come across numerous references to breast milk. You may have
also discovered that breast milk isn’t only used for breastfeeding your
child. In fact, breast milk is often used to help heal minor illnesses
and injuries. But what can breast milk supposedly heal? Well, breast
milk is purportedly able to heal:
- conjunctivitis or "pink eye"
- ear infections
- scrapes, scratches, and cuts
- sore nipple
To know that my mommy boobs contain SUPER POWERS, I wanted to wear a cape and tights and shout at the top of my lungs as I slide across the kitchen floor- " Here I Come To Save The Day" (sung in my proudest Might Mouse voice)
Now- the fun part- telling the kids. Baby Jack wouldn't care and would probably lick his own face of the "spilled" milk- if his tongue would reach that far... Now of course I had that vision of just lifting my top and "aiming", but I thought I would save my money for family trips instead of therapy sessions for my kids of their mom squirting milk in their eyes... sure was a funny thought though. I told them that I was going to put medicine in their eyes and this "medicine" would be breast milk. I had to get all "medical" and use breast milk other wise my boys would be rolling on the floor laughing because I said "boob". The 2 older boys looked at me like a deer in headlights.
... headlights???!!! Bahahahaha- I just made a funny!
After they asked me again and I confirmed with them that yes in fact I was going to put my milk in their eyes, that is when the "EWWWW grosss MOOOOMMM" came out. And then came the laughing. Little Charley Joe wanted to follow along so he chimed in with his shrieks and laughter. Of course hubby couldn't be left out of the peanut gallery so he asked if he could be treated too... hmmm MEN!
No- I did not embarrass my kids and squirt from a distance, I merely filled up a medicine dropper and then dropped a few drops in their eyes. I think my oldest gave the best performance of the night- acting like I was pouring acid in his eyes.
So what's the verdict...... It's helping :) In all seriousness, it makes me happy to know that I am able to heal my kids with my magical healing boobs :)
Here is a poem I found that is cute
TWAS THE BREASTFEEDER’S NIGHTTIME
‘Twas a holiday eve and the babe was asleep,
Swaddled tight in his crib he made not a peep.
My boobs were depleted from feeding all day.
“Please don’t wake. Sleep all night,” to the babe I did pray.
But his lips, how they moved, as he lay in his bed.
Visions of milky breasts danced in his head.
Dad in his boxers and I in my sweats,
Could we get some shuteye? Go ahead, place your bets.
The moon on the breast of my t-shirt did glow,
Gave a luster to leaking spots set to grow.
My nursing pads were soaked, they fell out of place.
My bra had unsnapped. How I missed sexy lace.
For months I’d been feeding our babe everywhere.
Coffee shop, park bench, museum, movie chair.
All my modesty gone, nothing shy anymore.
If the kiddo was crying, I knew how to score.
And now with the holidays, things often got dire.
While out buying gifts, I sometimes drew ire.
I breastfed in clothing stores. Changing rooms rock.
I breastfed in bookstores. To the stacks I did flock.
When from the babe’s room there arose such a clatter.
We sprang from our bed to see what was the matter.
Away to his room we flew with a flash,
Threw open the door, in the dark I did crash.
What a klutz I can be, ‘twas those bags made me fall.
Sacks for our trip, all arranged in the hall.
We were going to Grandma’s, a five hour drive.
Holiday time—Will I make it alive?
One big huge duffle held all the babe’s stuff.
Diapers, wipes, onesies. Did I bring enough?
Now don’t forget burp cloths, crib sheets and toys.
Books and Bjorn, we’ll exhibit such poise.
On breast pump, on bottles, on stroller and boppy.
On car seat, on cradle, on blanket and binky.
Fill the back of the car, fill the trunk with our haul.
And we’ll drive away, drive away, drive away all.
Now don’t forget stopping to feed long the way.
Gas stations, McDonalds and rest stops, oy vey.
Of course there’ll be lots of those diapers to do.
Get out the Purell, you’ll be covered in poo.
When we finally arrive, now what will await?
Lots of food and embraces, it’ll be really great.
No, no one will not fight. I will not shed a tear.
Ok, a white lie— but rejoice in who’s here.
And what about wine or a champagne or two?
Will it make my milk bad? Old wives tale or true?
And will anyone say, “Can he now take a bottle?”
“How long will you breastfeed?” How these questions can throttle.
Now back to that “clatter,” the babe and that noise.
We had rushed right on in, leaping over the toys.
When what to our wondering eyes did appear,
Our babe still asleep, oh how sweet, oh how dear.
His cheeks, how they glistened, his hair soft and furry.
And I smiled when I saw him, despite all my worry.
How delicious, his belly, moving in and then out.
How precious, his lips in a sweet little pout.
He had not woken up! He did not need to eat.
He had had quite enough, his day quite complete.
And so back to our bed we did quietly crawl.
Happy Holidays to one, happy sleeping to all.
© 2006, Andi Silverman, www.mamaknowsbreast.com
