The last few days have been NUTS. Well, it's mostly me doing this hormonal rollercoaster AND being a girl AND feeling needy. Not only did I need some attention from my hubby but I wanted NO attention from the kids- for just a moment.. just to use the bathroom on my own, fold laundry without the sounds of fighting or just a moment to eat a meal in quiet. I need to get on my routine and get back to the gym. I am realizing more and more each day that my once 20 yr old body is long gone. Just looking to find a way to celebrate and love my "new" mommy body lol.. Things are not as tight as they used to be. umm yuck.
So this afternoon, my friend, Becca and I, hit the gym for a yoga class. I figure this would be relaxing and fun :) Well, sometime yesterday I got hit with a BUNCH of energy as well as a bunch of words that I feel like I need to get out as fast as I can... so when we walked into the yoga room, I paced around wondering where I should be... I opted to get as close as I could to Becca without it being too awkward. The lights were off, it was cool in there and my fave music was playing- this should be good!!
I felt like I had ADHD in there. I couldn't stop looking what the instructor was doing, I kept fidgeting, I noticed my breathing was a lot faster than everyone else in there and most of the stretches where actually hurting me instead of helping me. WTH?
While everyone else was concentrating and focusing on their inner self, I was stretching my toes, making notes to myself that I need a pedicure, thinking that I should have washed my hair, plotting to take a shower, then remembering that my armpits were hairy and don't let anyone look at them, noticing then that my legs were just as hairy- now I was thinking I really wanted a shower... as we moved into the next position... I kept hoping that my body didn't make any weird sounds because it was all WAY too quiet in there.
I just couldn't take it seriously for some reason. Becca was sitting in front of me- and as we faced the mirrors it was so hard to not start waving my arms around like she had 4 arms! When the instructor went into this bend forward on one foot and balance pose.... I had to bite my lip to not make giggling noises or comments. All of that grace that I once had.. yeah- that is all gone.
When the class ended- we didn't even know that the class had stopped. We sat up and looked at each other like, "huh- it's over"
So, I felt like I wasn't so much "one with myself" but more like... what do I do now??!! Almost... ALMOST wanted to get my zumba on or try that scary boot camp class.. but of course we opted to leave and do some grocery shopping.
It feels better to get back on "track"- emotionally- now only if I could get this laundry back on track- life would be grand!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
The Pain Of Motherhood
I know it seems that I only write about the bad and the ugly... we do have some pretty wonderful days and I guess I don't write about them because I am in the moment enjoying every bit of it as I can...
The last few days have been a little painful. I have had some major issues with my nerve damage that seems to be effecting a little more of my leg each day- which is making my back hurt. Jack has been having this INSANE sleeping schedule which includes me sleeping awkardly and getting up every 1.5hr to feed him.
Yesterday I decided that I was going to restock my gripe water and make that pacifer a part of his bedtime routine. Last night went a little better than the previous nights but tonight... I'm in trouble. I headed to bed sleepy and determined to actually sleep. I layed my head down only to realize that even though I was sleepy- I just could not fall asleep. But FINALLY at 2a.m. I get to dream land....that ride didn't last long as my sweet little one woke at 3a.m. and was ready to take on the day. Bad timing little one. seriously.
Not only have I been dealing with my "nerves" but also been dealing with some kind of upset stomach. I have had no real appetite lately oe when I do eat, I feel more sick then when I started. And now this new sleep issue- ugh.
Late this morning I am doing 2 cake smash sessions and as excited as I am, I am REALLY hoping that my excitement will keep me awake for it... ok and that afterwards both my smaller ones will nap at the same time so that I may take a nap.
I foresee it's going to be a fend-for-yourself-dinner nights
The last few days have been a little painful. I have had some major issues with my nerve damage that seems to be effecting a little more of my leg each day- which is making my back hurt. Jack has been having this INSANE sleeping schedule which includes me sleeping awkardly and getting up every 1.5hr to feed him.
Yesterday I decided that I was going to restock my gripe water and make that pacifer a part of his bedtime routine. Last night went a little better than the previous nights but tonight... I'm in trouble. I headed to bed sleepy and determined to actually sleep. I layed my head down only to realize that even though I was sleepy- I just could not fall asleep. But FINALLY at 2a.m. I get to dream land....that ride didn't last long as my sweet little one woke at 3a.m. and was ready to take on the day. Bad timing little one. seriously.
Not only have I been dealing with my "nerves" but also been dealing with some kind of upset stomach. I have had no real appetite lately oe when I do eat, I feel more sick then when I started. And now this new sleep issue- ugh.
Late this morning I am doing 2 cake smash sessions and as excited as I am, I am REALLY hoping that my excitement will keep me awake for it... ok and that afterwards both my smaller ones will nap at the same time so that I may take a nap.
I foresee it's going to be a fend-for-yourself-dinner nights
Monday, April 9, 2012
Rabid Pack Of Baboons
Yup- thats what I am calling them... In fact there are 5 of them- but one doesnt count just becuase he's still in that CUTE mode. I have named them Lilly, Matty, Christopher, and Charlie Joe. Holy Freaking BABOON balls!
The day started- last week!! The schools up here called for an Easter break- which is totally different than spring break. What's the point of a 4 day weekend?? To torture the parents with candy-filled children?? Hmmm, someone needs to teach that calendar person a lesson!! I had great plans for them but they quickly deminished like my milk boobs. All I wanted was a fun-filled- great attitude- I love you mom- you are the best- weekend, but Nooooooooooooooo that was a little too much to ask for :(
I wanted to really go to the library to get a book - which I found out they DON'T have (boogers), but after just making one stop to the store for a bag of much needed pull-ups { another story for another time}they decided that this public place would be great to use LOUD outside voices, scatter when I call them and pretend to have a hearing problem when I call their name.... oh yes.. and we can't foget the part where I said, " Let's go to another line- this is taking too long" and my spunky -oh-so-opinionated son says- in his loudest voice, " forget waiting, let's just steal it!" I seriously think I left a pile of poo on the floor when he said that... We of course stepped out of the long line where I had to explain to him a few life lessons. WTF did he GET that??!
As for the rest of the errands I had to do - which included going to the state office to drop off papers in a crowded room that smelled like play-doh as my toddler was yelling at me to play with my -now dead- phone, a 5 yr whining cuz I won't let him play, and my pre-teen daughter who decides she was going to go on a scavenger hunt thru my once organized diaper bag and then fully decides to PUBLICLY talk back to me when I ask her stop. Not just once talking back, but won't STOP talking... are you serious??!!!! WHO ARE THESE KIDS?! All I could muster when we got in the car was " wait till your dad gets home".. As I sat there in the sun for just a brief moment to get away from that frazzled hair, twitching eye, foaming mouth mommy moment - all I wanted at that moment was a freaking ice cream!! Not that I just wanted it.. I NEEDED it.. I CRAVED it. I told my hubby that was my smoke break. He gave me a smart ass remark which I could not find ANY humor in at that moment.
So I drove us all home... still twitching here and there.... booted them out of the car and sat my butt on the computer to vent :) Because I know you understand .... and can relate. If you can't relate to this....
please don't respond... as I dont like you (just kidding.. but seriously don't respond if you are one of those lucky moms!)
The day started- last week!! The schools up here called for an Easter break- which is totally different than spring break. What's the point of a 4 day weekend?? To torture the parents with candy-filled children?? Hmmm, someone needs to teach that calendar person a lesson!! I had great plans for them but they quickly deminished like my milk boobs. All I wanted was a fun-filled- great attitude- I love you mom- you are the best- weekend, but Nooooooooooooooo that was a little too much to ask for :(
I wanted to really go to the library to get a book - which I found out they DON'T have (boogers), but after just making one stop to the store for a bag of much needed pull-ups { another story for another time}they decided that this public place would be great to use LOUD outside voices, scatter when I call them and pretend to have a hearing problem when I call their name.... oh yes.. and we can't foget the part where I said, " Let's go to another line- this is taking too long" and my spunky -oh-so-opinionated son says- in his loudest voice, " forget waiting, let's just steal it!" I seriously think I left a pile of poo on the floor when he said that... We of course stepped out of the long line where I had to explain to him a few life lessons. WTF did he GET that??!
As for the rest of the errands I had to do - which included going to the state office to drop off papers in a crowded room that smelled like play-doh as my toddler was yelling at me to play with my -now dead- phone, a 5 yr whining cuz I won't let him play, and my pre-teen daughter who decides she was going to go on a scavenger hunt thru my once organized diaper bag and then fully decides to PUBLICLY talk back to me when I ask her stop. Not just once talking back, but won't STOP talking... are you serious??!!!! WHO ARE THESE KIDS?! All I could muster when we got in the car was " wait till your dad gets home".. As I sat there in the sun for just a brief moment to get away from that frazzled hair, twitching eye, foaming mouth mommy moment - all I wanted at that moment was a freaking ice cream!! Not that I just wanted it.. I NEEDED it.. I CRAVED it. I told my hubby that was my smoke break. He gave me a smart ass remark which I could not find ANY humor in at that moment.
So I drove us all home... still twitching here and there.... booted them out of the car and sat my butt on the computer to vent :) Because I know you understand .... and can relate. If you can't relate to this....
please don't respond... as I dont like you (just kidding.. but seriously don't respond if you are one of those lucky moms!)
the one that makes my heart melt
and me... well... trying to survive LOL....
I love them all- i do.. I just want simple things.. like peeing without company or questions, obedient children in public and a hot meal
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