Monday night was probably one of my most scariest nights. Lil Jack went to bed great and actually slept for a long time. When I finally went to sleep, I was sleeping good. Around 4 a.m. I suddenly woke up and had this feeling to check on Jack. I walked over to his bassinet and noticed he wasn't breathing. I picked up his arm to touch it with the hopes that it would startled him to wake up. When that didn't work, I picked up his arm and let it drop- hoping the same thing. When I got no response, I rubbed his chest thinking for SURE that would work... nothing.... At this moment I was freaked out- you could see the windows rattle from my heart beating so hard. I finally had to PICK him up and bounce him to get him to wake up and breath. Thankfully he let in a huge grasp of air. At that moment I was in tears and thanking God with all mu might that He woke me up- and that he didn't take my little Jack. I greatly believe that God himself woke my butt up to check on him. I have no idea how long he wasn't breathing or even how long it took to get me to wake him up, but in mothers time- it took forever! The rest of the night I googled SIDS and slept with one eye open as I snuggled with him.
The next day the poor little guy threw up all day- but seemed fine. Of course my head goes to the worse. By the end of the day I was totally consumed with the fear of going to bed. What happens if I cant keep myself awake enough to make sure he was ok... how would I ever get over the fact that if I missed something and it was his time- how would I move on?? Is God going to take him from me already.... It was really too soon for me- I love this little guy so much.
Then of course I sucked myself lower into the dark abyss by regretting the fact that I got my tubes tied and wouldn't be able to have more babies. Not that Jack is replaceable, but honestly I didn't want anything to happen to him.
As bed time snuck closer I had to do the only thing I could... TRUST. Trust the fact the God was and is protecting this little baby. Trust that things happen in His way- whether I understand it or not. TRUST. Such a simple word but SO hard to do. I prayed and let go. I kissed my little man on the forehead and layed him in his bed. Said a prayer and tried to let myself sleep. I did the best I could... I ended up moving his bed right next to my pillow and sleeping very lightly. God woke me up once, I am sure He could do it again.
Night seemed to last forever but yet morning seemed to come too soon. Right now I basically feel like a zombie- but after a healthy doc appt, I am a happy momma.
The doc did decide to put him on an apnea machine- to see if there is something going to that we need to look at, or if this was just a fluke or even if he was just sick and had some spit up/ vomit that closed his air pipe- either way- we are checking it out.
So far wed have ALL heard the lovely LOUD obnoxious sound but yet I still am grateful for it lol. It is very annoying too to have your child all hooked up to wires which are connected to a bag which you have to tote around. And if you know me... I HATE wires- with a passion. It makes me start twitching!
Tonight I am hoping for a peaceful and {please} restful night!!
In the meantime- I'll be that paranoid momma bear :)
No comments:
Post a Comment